“Who”, The Sad Obscured Clarity of Self

Hey Franky, how do you deal with annoying people? Can you just avoid him..? The thing is, he keeps coming. LOL What..?! That means you’re too kind of a person, give him a shock therapy.

This is a conversation I just had last week with one of my co workers. Looking back, it’s been so long since the last time I was chased by other people because I was “too kind“… or… is it that I am just not concerned about it anymore..?

We all have worries and we all can devise a solution from our past experience. Most of the time we have the solution but we hold on putting it into action for we are afraid of changing the status quo. …and…

People dodge the question of ‘why’

‘Why’, the single most useful W-H question to the path on enlightenment… A-ha ! Coming from certain culture, asking ‘Why’ to a problem means you are looking for the person at fault. While it is true at some cases, actually what we want to understand is the whole story of a problem, don’t we..? Due to this we have to go circle-around the story to later piece back the elements ! What a waste of time and resources !

We feel safe when everyone around us are having the same common ground. Instead of trying to understand, we pry into other people’ lives -subconsciously- and try to have a legion of followers to keep the pressure on them to hopefully set things ‘right’.

Do you ever observe why in high school your friend-group has similarities with you in the same sense -perspective, attractiveness, intelligence, etc..? Other than common ground, there is gender specific motivation as men will feel the togetherness when they are doing an activity together aiming for the same goal, while for women it is about exchanging support among the peers for a unique emotional conquest…

Those nature inhibits us as an individual to implement the solutions of our lives. There are times you somehow do a misinterpretation of people’ gesture and without further confirmation, a simple-stupid-everyday thing convoluted into a world war between you and that particular subject. Ugh..burp..

That Escalated Quickly

In layman’s term, these natural inhibitors are practiced interchangeably in almost all situations in our lives, except if one is a dispassionate-cold cat under the night sky.

The Divergence

These natural inhibitors are designed (modeled, by us) to help us in the first place. They are deemed to be natural because we have been hearing the terms since we are young, possibly even since you are an infant if you came from the Chinese culture.

First Nature : Attitude

Attitude..Attitude, prior to job interview, in your leadership class, in your career counselling in high school.. even on Tinder ! WTF We are bombarded by ‘attitude’, but what really is attitude..?

     Our attitudes is often dictated by our response towards a certain condition that rate us how we should act. For example, the condition of a tired person after a day of work will contribute greatly to how ‘passionate’ one is against a particular activity (no.. don’t think about sex). Nah, the cumulative ‘exhausted’ experience from the day at work will make one pose a tough attitude towards the passionate party looking for particular activity.

Easy right? Attitude depends on your mood & collective experience in a time-frame to successfully show a rated moderation as a response to situation. Example of attitude : positive attitude such as happy, sincere, negative attitude such as angry, hatred, jealousy, neutral attitude such as unemotional.

Attitude is a choice
Attitude is a choice

Second Nature : Personality

This is where it gets tricky. Personality is more common than attitude, even at first glance it has more suffix than attitude ! Suffix such as -types, -traits are so common some of us don’t even care any more.

     Our personality is gathered from a set of values that comes up overtime in variety of situations. It is the ‘default’ reflection, shown by a person in their everyday activity. From that, we can deduce that it tied closely to the nature of environment from where one grows up, how one is treated, how one’s belief impose the important values, how one’s past experience was, and last but not least, the qualities brought in one’s gene. I won’t dive in too far in the gene especially because it will be too technical. Thus, personality contributes greatly to first impression of a person, expectation of interaction in both professional and personal space. One smart person will always do test & measure in practice because in interaction, people learn to interact with us based on personality. When we bring different response than our normal personality, people may assume something is wrong.

For example, you are an awfully late person, suddenly you came early, now people may think that something is wrong with you.

     Using personality model well will improve your impression dramatically, and of course a side effect of successful career. Though we should remind ourselves that personality model is not a bulletproof career track as it will always need a test and measure. Now, do you think you can change your personality..? No. But don’t be afraid, practically we can change something that is useful and bulletproof in career or even your social state. More on that in a moment. For now, let us summarize what a personality is.

Personality is your default approach to various situation as it has proven safe, reliable, and practically useful in your common interactive reasoning.

Personality makes each people unique and brings a different mix into a group or a problem. Improving your personality is not easy but it is a sure-fire way to make your presence known in the society. Example of personality : extrovert/introvert, optimistic/pessimistic, perceiving/judgemental.

Personality Doesn't Make Sense
Personality Doesn’t Make Sense

Unfortunately, personality gives limited predictability and such the expectation.

Truth is Hard, always,

This is why common people are usually getting heartbreak or something similar, basically their emotional expectation is different to the reality exhibited by the subject.

Are you that common people..?

Well pat yourself on the back now, you are not !

Third Nature : Character

What is character..? What is the difference between personality and character..?

     Character takes more time to show. It will only be clear when one faces a unique circumstances. Character is a collection of traits. Traits such as integrity, responsibility, kindness. Traits are build based on principles that one has or one follows (e.g., that being responsible is important to keep the certain cause-action relation). Traits may also based solely on beliefs, which means at times character traits are really hard to change, even when one allows herself to. Character traits are the virtue among the values one hold as priority to integrate and to keep the society running with one as the pivot centre of event. As such, people with a great character will have a more approachable personality, but people with a great personality may not have the same character quality one expected them to have.

In 2004, two psychologist suggested that instead of looking at the bad contributor to us, we should also take a look at the character so that when improved, will greatly bring a change of quality in our lives. Throughout researches and surveys, they found that the biggest character that impacts in society are : Wisdom, Courage, Humanity, Justice, Temperance, Transcendence.

5 Major Influential Characters with Their Traits
5 Major Influential Characters with Their Traits

Character shines out as the quality of a person -whether they are on their highs or their lows, they have priorities to always attend to their principle.

Moving on to the next inhibitor, it doesn’t take much for people that understands who they are to devise a solution of the three nature which has produced more problems since it is introduced in our lives. Ironically, people try to improve themselves without first asking themselves to understand the state where they are at, and so they created a utopia that will never be achieved.

All for one, one for all..

Putting things back, it is not a puzzle any more. The three nature we discussed above can easily be condensed into effective practical wisdom.

Behavior.

Our behavior is the consensus of our attitude, personality, and character. It is a manifestation of clarity among thought, feeling, and past-experience as described in the illustration below.

Behavior Illustrated

     Having the acceptable behavior will be the bottom line in every situation. Too many people want to believe what they think is good for them, that is why people often assume a person with a good personality is connected to good character & good attitude (e.g., outgoing/cheerful person will always be honest and easy-going)… until their assumption is proven otherwise. Behavior informs people from inside-out on your stand towards a particular idea, because behavior is what we do, it is not what we are. What we do tends to build on respect that provides results from evidence based decision, these in return promotes one’s capability while keeping sure ‘protection’ against unwanted haters.

     I know, it is easy to recognize these things over paper but it is really hard to actually put them into practice. You will not be doing mind reading or observing people whole day AND still getting much depression and regret, with a bonus in no time you will be one of those typical MBTI -type matchmaker- freaks. Wait, if you are, don’t scold me just yet. MBTI is so far one of the most descriptive and useful (yes it is proven useful in individual aspect) model to describe tendency on people’ personality.

By the way, do you know your personality type..? Glad if you are; in case you don’t know yet, I suggest you try the free MBTI personality test, but always remember that personality is just a plain field… difference comes when you try to balance them out and develop a better version of yourself.

As a model that is used to describe a situation, human with its intelligence and wisdom create new things and discover the new horizon from it.

I hope reading this article can bring a progressive discussion between you and your peers not only limited in this forum. As always, I welcome your views and most importantly, don’t forget to have fun !

Extra !!

Watch this video below if you haven’t done so !!

Sources:

  1. Flat World Catalog
  2. Personality – Behaviour
  3. Personality vs Character
  4. Types of Attitudes
  5. Let it Ripple