Society works as a relation between the people and The Agreement which acts as its center of action/purpose. Imagine The Agreement as a hub that processes many importance of parties and it is notable that most of the process begins with an action threshold of:
“What’s In It for Me”
WIIFM is the strongest motivator for us to/not to act. This simple slogan symbolizes the significance of a life, an evolved version of fight or flight from when we were not as social as we are now. Our forehead (cerebrum) are not as primitive as the other part, between fight or flight, we as human translated it into softer-polished form, negotiation. It is very neat to see the relation of WIIFM to how choices are provided and in some cases designed to yield the results others wanted, and it is fair.
The Nature of Choice
Choice is an act of pointing a decision towards possibilities. To follow through or not, it doesn’t matter at that time when you are making the first step, because it can be changed later, is it..? NO.
In reality the first decisions are the most important as it outlays the base of where you are travelling the distance and also how far you will be after a set amount of time. Imagine a point and an angle of starting for a triangle, a slight different degree of an angle means how high you can be after a set of time.
For the layperson like most of us, most of the time we are not aware that in the way the choices are displayed, there are open questions, and there are also forced questions. This is one of the example from the society that want to take from you without allowing you taking from them (and of course without letting you know). This may sounds bad but it really is happening in your surroundings. Remember E is Evolution, this happens because the society wants to put you into two possibilities, that you can be controlled, or that you are liable to your needs.. better, for both to apply on you and you will not aware of it. To do this society usually provide you forced questions, especially when there is the need for you to contribute. On the other hand, open questions are unlikely to be used.
Now we surely know what are open questions, questions like:
How are you..? What do you think of […]…? Are you a team player..?
These open questions judges you as the sovereign autonomy to decide and you have the right to demand more information before you answer.
These are the questions that makes you feel you have the autonomy to decide without telling you its entirety. These questions are interpreted as a compliance to a system which may not really suitable for you. These questions ignore your worth as a decision maker and disrespect your autonomy as a person. All in all, it condense your ability to choose ONLY with (mis)informed facts and it is made as it is your miss in the responsibility to measure to the informed decision.
“It is your fault as you don’t read it in entirety, not my fault as a recruiter/sales rep/you-name-it.”
You get it, these are questions like:
- “How many hours of ____ can you provide for us in the weekend..?”
- “Please rate these statements accordingly to your expertise…(1 for strongly agree and 5 for disagree)”
- “Please designate how favorable for you to these statements”
- “We can guarantee you a raise but after a review of performance in 6 months”
…and these questions:
- Assume you are able to provide before letting you know how important it is
- Filtering context and also resources
- Measuring how much conforming you are without your input
- Irresponsible expectations
Control, liability. The Agreement is the key in any relation. Especially in the society towards higher access, being aware of forced questions has proven a long way of successful negotiations and more possibilities if you know how to answer to these kinds of questions. However, to be able to answer to these forced questions one need to know more about the system and information related to the topic and stake on time. This poises a great research opportunity about the comparison, competition, and also the stake of the asker.
Before the negative thoughts, this is the true nature of Praxis behavior. We know what we do and we measure to what others are doing. If you feel comfortable in reading, discretion is advised, otherwise it is up to you to keep reading as you now know this is not for everyone.
A Yes World
I assume we all know what we want. The thing is, why can’t the society develop the flow that bring us closer to the distance to what we want..? Why can’t it develop itself in the vacuum of an active observer..? [Active Observer]
What does it mean to say Yes..?
Flow Control. As we discussed before, the society works only because the agreement is working across the social structure and institutions involved. This means “Yes” is one of the most powerful leverage tool we can have, but it also works in opposite too. Most of the time we said “Yes” because our underlining desire to say “Yes” which is entirely why it should be. Though for some people it just came out without thinking, after they think about it, it maybe a wrong move in The Agreement (‘The Nature of Choice’, above). Constantly saying “yes” in return will jeopardize the relation between you and the society you live in.
[Keeping it in mind]Human is an amazing life force, it has one powerful remarks and it has one big brain to calculate and to decide. The strongest human trait are notably the adaptation and mitigation. For most people adaptation comes first than mitigation. Human, when their movement is constricted, will try to breakout or will adapt themselves to it. The new condition in time become the “normal”. This commonly happen when we don’t have the Sensible Security we need as a leverage in negotiation. We have done it before, I am certain you know what we will be discussing below.
“Yes World” & Three Groups of People
- One, those who say “Yes” because they really mean it. Rarely happens, even among the people who are active observer born from traction. This happens because they are the force to trigger the action in travelling the distance. Most active observer rarely gets in the position of who need answering as they mainly take the position of the asker. Naturally.
- Two, those who say “Yes” as an investment to future cause. Consisted by more people in the productive society, this group of people value relationship (the agreement) more than maintaining the relation (how things work). This kind of people makes things worse more most of the time than making it better as they are prone to office politics (in the workplace), drama (in their personal lives), also consumerism (they can not understand the intrinsic value).
- Three, those who say “Yes” because they can not say “No”. The most population. Imagine a will to please and getting into good side. Imagine to be a kind person. Imagine guilty feeling after rejection, while actually rejecting a person is their rights. Imagine you’re talking to your boss and she is that helpless…. Not only that, there are a lot more examples.
Which group of people are you…?
Anyhow, saying “Yes” comes in consequences. The good and the bad. In certain society saying “Yes” blindingly has been proven to be a fast-track towards position and also stature in society, it’s not bad, it’s just not everyone’s willing to sacrifice their action style. The bad, well, what do you think..?
“Yes People” can have a lot of bad implication or worse execution:
- Yes people only tell you what you want to hear.
- Yes people just DO, they don’t even think about it.
- Yes people doesn’t listen to details, they think it as they go.
- Yes people are so focused they miss what others are doing.
- Yes people don’t care on the cause and the vision behind the action.
- Yes people don’t risk their ideas and that way they are not responsible to possible failures or overlook.
Imagine people saying “yes” all the time, for me, after a while, I got worried he might bring a gun and shoot me at my back. Not that I’m that skeptical it’s just… You can’t predict what yes people will do. Though, in a way, it is also an unfair advantage. Yet the question remains, what is the solution that does not halt the progress of civilization and yet supportive to The Agreement in the social structure we have now..? Have you ever wonder, why in Eastern countries (Taiwan, Indonesia), most deal by big companies, government, are rarely sealed in the office…?
“Can you become the asker..?”
On next article we will be looking into a powerful proactive concept that contrast information and “noise”. This is because we want to be able to make informed decision in effective manner. As I wrote before, “The Society” series will dissect the tools and interesting case studies that happens all around us. If it works for me, why can’t it work for you…? But really in Praxis behavior, do what works best for you as you have the capability and the grit to do it.
If you feel that this post is useful, you can subscribe and expect practical wisdom in your leisure time. Then if you feel safe to share this article you are most welcome to do it. I write not because I have to write, I have so much things to share and this is all thanks to my background, my way of life, and of course my parents. Though I hope they can agree with most of my writings. Okay, enough with the sentimental. I am visioning a community of active observers who has their own unique working ways/method in the society. The vision is for this society to be more equal in regards of really, everything. One example, fairness is never in the book of society but when we are there and we can make it better (to make people think and learn, to refine themselves in the aim for greater understanding, luxury, security in life)…is such a great world where we can BE a harmony. As always, society is easy, life is simple -don’t make it hard-, and really, people are AWESOME! Happy Praxis !!
Rather than thinking “What’s in it for me”, try to think “What’s the fun in it” every time you are asked to do something. Will it work better for you..?
But then again, it is irrelevant if you are the asker. 😉