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Diary of a Loser

I came to write about this topic because I encountered a really powerful example of a life just this week. Before we go on, I don’t claim that my life has been much better than other people. If you think my life is, then I guess I should be happier as my life is indeed better, I guess..? But more than that, I am grateful for my parents and my peers who’s been given me sound judgement and challenges every time I am ready.

People are funny. When they are challenged, it’s either they talk big before the game and chicken out, or they claim the glorious victory and give you a very good example of what a human can do. Now as an active observer naturally you will be the one who asks questions. You will be a challenger most of the time. As a challenger, it will be a bad call for you to challenge people who are not ready… because 100% they will take the path of a loser. This is what is dangerous, we don’t want to challenge the wrong person because we really don’t want the guilty conscience on ourselves. Selfish..? No, just practical.

Before we go forward let me share my experience. I was a loser, maybe I still am. I used to keep my hand in my pocket because I am afraid to do things. I am afraid to participate. I looked away. Self-confidence for me was an alien concept. Raised in a deep Confucius philosophy family, for us it is natural to be excellent in the things we do, and it is hard for us to claim that it is our hard work. I found that hard work itself is a given as a human being. In the same framework, we are taught to respect older people even though they are wrong. This bodes well within eastern society, especially when you are climbing the ladder of career. This however precedes certain set of problems which is not our discussion this time.

All in all the main problem of a loser is their anxiety to decide what they want to do. They are anxious to start something because of the possibility to be right and at the same time the potential to be wrong. But we need to realize, that right or wrong, at some point it won’t matter much as it is a progress. The one what we should be afraid of is stagnancy. The state where we keep doing the activity without meaningful access. It is also a condition when a project is losing its momentum due to wasting resources on irrelevant issues.

Long story short, the key to not be loser has always been in ourselves. An an active observer it is very useful -if it’s not our duty- to make our surroundings progress better for the sake of higher access across the population. It is easy to misunderstood higher access as money but I need to emphasize that money is just one of the many leverage tool we can use to have higher access. [Interested about Money..? Read more at How Money Works !!!]

Before we did challenge the wrong person, it is good to know the characteristics of a loser:

  1. On decision: Responsibility is taboo. They don’t want their hands dirty.
  2. On participation: “I am doing this because I want to appeal”
  3. On success/failures: Double standard. “Success is mine, losing is because of you”.
  4. On sharing: Insecurity. Not wanting to share.

The beauty is when you spot those characteristics in a person, you can change and empower them to be better… provided you didn’t get dragged into their level. Don’t worry though if you are an active observer you have higher resistance, almost immune.

Who is To Be Challenged..?

Now in deciding which people are to change and empower, it is a waste of time and effort if you challenge the wrong person even when they are an innate winner. You want people who can create a ripple and inspire a momentum. That is why it is very important to notice how their perspective are towards a status quo.

  • Are they the decision maker..? There is no reason to deal with not a deal-maker, especially if it is about self-confidence. The work we need to invest is, to such a length, a stalemate. But it always depends on you.
  • Are they used to go the extra mile..? There is no use for people who are content with where they are and not looking for improvement. Improvement usually means going the extra mile. It is that simple.
  • Do they have the aptitude to do stuff..? Equally important is the technical and behavior background a person demonstrates. For example, it is just irrelevant if a guy want to be a president without ever taking a university degree.

Of course in deciding this there will be action styles related even when one has authority or not. What this really means though: Position really is irrelevant to progress, essentially.

As an active observer, challenge people’s heart, and with it, their conviction.

I have worked in a place where there are “too many” positions/authority. Rather than conducting their job in efficient way, the miscommunication that occurs are worse than kindergarten environment. If I were to compare to a kindergarten, I’d say kindergarten have more passion and enthusiasm towards learning and education. True, the best system in an organization means it does not need to have any form of communications; it’s when you instantaneously know what is the situation by inspecting visual/characteristic in a condition. Yet, getting there needs constant attention and self-responsibility in each part of the positions available. Adding positions (challenges) without having a constant attention and ownership of responsibilities are just recipe towards chaos. Nevertheless, the need of communication is indeed crucial in us trying to understand other people. Communication is also the only way (as of current human technologies) to produce a feedback loop towards actions of a participation. Do it in moderation. Or..practice the Clockwork of Excellence.

The Gist

It is amazing to see that people once they get the gist of it they can expand themselves (Law of Expansion; Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits, Praxis Article – Autonomy) and grow themselves. I have few friends I really proud of them and in turn I also learn so much from them, there is no greater joy than being in the ring with the best people you can get. Yet come to the end of the funnel, there are only few points that distinguish a loser to a winner.

  1. Self-confidence: People with self-confidence are easier to face new things and challenges. Too much though, they will start looking like the Fundies we laugh off at the street.
  2. Respect is irrelevant: By having Autonomy in your life, you won’t be easily faltered by the judgement against you. Understand it too that Judgement doesn’t always means a bad thing, even compliment it a form of Judgement. So..? Don’t you have Double Standard in your life.
  3. Money is LOL: Basically if you have Sensible Security, you know how hard you can fall and devise a good-working strategy to mitigate it.
  4. Manifesto of a Winner (because Bucket list is too technical) – I will discuss this sometime in the future. Basically it is the key to keep spontaneity in your love of life.

Let me say again that in life, we only need to do two things. One, is to innovate/fix the current problem. Two, don’t create new problem. It is never the people, but the idea, the concept.

To learn and unlearn things as we go. To adopt new ideals and upgrade our perspective. Ditch the bad (and impractical), practice the better version. There is no reason to follow somebody else’s rules if it is irrelevant towards the Traction we have. There is always an option to not participate. Love your life, it is yours. Running Metaphor - Lynn Canyon Valley